Seriously?

Sometimes when i'm alone, or when i'm listening their stories, or when i'm seeing them from far away. I always wonder

Do I Belong Here? Are We For Real? Am I Just One Of Their Jokes?

Those insecurities came from where i was. A stupid pranks, trustworthy kids i've never known. Until now.
Sometimes i feel pathetic of myself, Because i've never had the "FUN", they've had before. Sometimes i feel i'm a weirdo, because sometimes i don't enjoy what they enjoy.
Sometimes i feel abandoned, because they left me clueless in what they're talking about.
Sometimes i feel like a loser, because sometime everything's important to me, seems worthless for them.
Sometimes i feel extremely exhausted, because i've got to put my GAME FACE on to hide my true feelings....
Sometimes i think i'm a fool, Because i don't like talking random things to stranger who is not in a real life.
Sometimes i feel like i'm only a joke, because they won't tell me things they think important.

Am i being a coward by thinking like that?
I've tried to be a good listener, but i sometimes i feel like they don't hear me.

It doesn't mean they're not good kids. They ARE good kids. It's not them, but it's me who think too much.
But i can't help myself from thinking that way.